‘Where are you from, Sir?’ the question made me turn away from the window to face my fellow traveler. It had been 10 days since I left Bangalore to visit the Valley of Flowers. I was on my way back and was deeply immersed in the process of recalling what all I had felt and experienced during the last week. Amazing scene of aarti in Haridwar, the dangerous life at Uttarakhand, the faith of pilgrims to walk 300 kms on foot from Haridwar to Badrinath, the flamboyance and generosity of Sikhs, a brief encounter with that girl who was trying hop on to a horse but was too frightened, so many things rushing into my mind as I get closer and closer to the monotonous life back home. But there was one thing which took a predominant timeslice of my hours. How come all the married couples align themselves in a way and start looking very alike?
I met a lot of couples during the journey and they all can be placed into 3 categories.
Type A couples are the ones who are very energetic and enthusiastic and want to see everything. They have been to a lot of places already and are planning to go to the rest of them. They love trekking, trying a different cuisine, talking to strangers and all kinds of different experiences. Most of the foreigners who travel to India belong to this category.
Type B couples are the ones who try to do all the things that Type A couples do either because it’s obviously cool to be a Type A couple or because they are friends with some Type A couples. They try to be talkative and adventurous but they fail because they apparently don’t want to do all those things.
Type C couples are the ones who don’t want to try the unknown paths because they are simply afraid of them. They don’t go out of their way to talk to strangers and they always always try to take as less risk as possible.
There is nothing great or wrong with being any kind of couple but what interested me was that in all the couples I met, both the persons belonged to the same type. I never met a couple where the man and the wife were of different types! I decided there is no way to say that like people got together, fell in love and got married because I knew most of them had arranged marriages. And common, in an arranged marriage, there is no way you can know what a person’s actual views about anything in life is, let alone what type he/she belongs to. So I came to the evident conclusion that the couple tend to become like each other and after some time somehow average out. How influential (dominant?) you are in the relationship actually plays a very major role.
May be. But that’s not the point. I know I’m a Type A person and I don’t want to become anything else. I would hate myself if after some years if I find myself to be a Type B or worse Type C! Since I’m mostly sure that I’m going to have an arranged marriage, how am I gonna find a Type A girl? What qualities would actually determine the type of a person? What if I want to go out and try some different theatre and she doesn’t want to miss the Kannada serial at 7.30? Oh my God, is there no way to escape this impending doom??
‘Where are you from, Saab?’ He must have noticed that I was lost in my own thoughts staring at the endless paddy fields of Andhra Pradesh, he repeated his question.
‘I’m from Bangalore. Where are you from?’.
‘I’m from Ujjain. I’m a cloth merchant there. What do you do?’
‘I’m a Software Engineer.’
‘Software Engineer? What do you do?’
I explained him how we have to instruct the computer what to do in its own language.
‘It’s own language? Must be very difficult! Good. Tanquah kitna aata hai? ‘
I didn’t get him. Tanquah?
‘Money’ he said, simultaneously signaling with his hand.
‘ Not much yaar’ I said, uncomfortable with the personal query.
‘Bolo naa saab. Tanquah achcha hi to hoga’. He didn’t let me go until I told him my salary.
‘Kya? Agar utna tanquah aata hai to abhi single kyun hai saab? Shaadi kyun nahi kar lete?’
A lot of things have happened since then and I’m not even thinking of getting married in the near future. But the simplicity of the concept in his mind still makes me envious of that bastard.
I guess, the probability of you becoming Type A couple is more if you marry early! and get engaged for considerable amount of time! 😀
even if u end up with a “not ur type” person i am sure either of u to will change(i bet it will be more of she changing to ur type)
But can I completely avoid the risk of ending up with a ‘not my type’ ?
he he
LOL. Lots of people still leave in that world where once a man is employed he is all set to get married. I have encountered few such people too, asking me ‘now that everything is done, when are you taking the next step?’. But the truth is that everything is never done.
And seriously, I too am afraid that I might end up with someone who is not congenial.. But I think that might just bring up greater challenges, the kind of which we are craving for now. In my opinion, adapting to the pressure of averaging out will be very interesting indeed.
*leave* must ve been *live* 😀
That’s a good way to think!
You had the confusion regarding choosing a girl..I thought of commenting on it..but since u r no more thinking on the marriage (in near future).. let me not say anything on it!!!
Author’s predicament seems quite genuine and yeah humorous too (sorry Bhargava, but it is!). Well.. it doesnt matter if you are the dominant one in the marriage because every relationaship is symbiotic, there is always a give n take. So, if you are ready to give.. you will definitely be given , my boy!!!
Very well written blog.. short n interesting. It captures the mind set and thought process of the author accurately… 🙂
Well, I sure hope it is like that.
In most probability the gal will get adjusted. . But it all depends on the influence and the extent of it. . And just as its easy to influence one person , its difficult as well. . All depending on the individual basis. . And let us all hope and make sure , we belong to Type A category. . :). . and marriage is a beginning , its not the end or means to an end. . and beginning can be taken in the right or wrong path. . . So much for the elderly and experienced thoughts!
Hmmmm…
be it arranged or otherwise, marriage is always a journey into unknown territory. i’ve seen more than one marriage where the couple had dated each other for many years before getting married and yet they start squabbling six months into their marriage. and we have all seen couples in arranged marriages hit it off like a pair of lovebirds right from the beginning till the very end. i guess it all comes down to chance and luck, but life itself is like that. and the author thinks of himself as a type A person, but in marriage he wants to be absolutely sure to marry the right person. isn’t that a type C trait?
It’s just that marrying a person whose traits I don’t know seems more suicidal than adventurous. Unfortunately,as you said, there is no solution to the problem but to go through it.
The probability of gal getting adjusted is a little higher i guess. . Influence and perceptiveness plays a major role. . Watsoever it is just the mutual understanding thats needed for a happy relationship, and make sure you get into the type A category. . 🙂
hoping you will 😉 haha
Very true…